The System.

Now that Shin and I had secured our place at the hospital of my dreams (did I mention that they only do private rooms) we began our regular hospital visits. To start, we are scheduled to make an appearance every four weeks. At each visit I have to check in downstairs with my hospital card at an automatic 'checker-inner' machine, weigh myself, check my blood pressure, submit a urine sample, pop everything into a plastic folder (minus the urine sample) and place it in one of the three baskets on the counter. Sounds easy. And it probably is easy.

But not for us.

Visit number 1, 14th week of pregnancy:

Shin and I burst into the waiting room dripping with sweat, me freaking out because we've probably missed the 11:30 cut off. I start taking off my shoes so that I can weigh myself when I hear "平野さん！" (Hirano-san)

Bugger, we've forgotten to check in at the checker-inner machine downstairs.

Shin gallantly offers to go back downstairs and do it for me, a.k.a escaping his hormonal, bitching wife for a cigarette, and leaves me to get on with things. Weight, check. Urine sample, check. Blood pressure...

...machine broken. With my arm still in it.

Luckily Shin reappears and saves me from having my arm torn off by the blood pressure machine. He calmly pushes the reset button and I finish up. I put everything into the plastic folder, toss it onto the counter and flake out on the first white leather sofa I can find (so many to choose from).

"平野さん！"

The nurse points to a sign on the blood pressure machine that says if my reading is over a certain number then I have to do it again. And with the sweetest smile ever, she tells me that the file goes in one of the three baskets, not on the counter.

After an hour we are called in to see our lovely doctor and get to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. I burst into tears and Shin lets out a gasp of fatherly pride. Although there are a few minor slip-ups, visit number one is a success.

Visit number 2, 18th week of pregnancy:

Shin and I burst into the waiting room dripping with sweat, me freaking out because we've probably missed the 11:30 cut off, but this time we've already been to the checker-inner machine.

Hiranos: 1, Hospital: 0

I start peeling off layers in order to weigh myself, all the while thinking that if it came down to it I could just write down any old number I like. Luckily, I don't need to. Thank you NVP. Weight, check. Urine sample, check. Blood pressure, check.

Hiranos: 4, Hospital: 0

Everything is filed neatly into the plastic folder and handed to the nurse behind the counter.

"平野さん！"

"Did you pay your 50,000 yen deposit downstairs?"
Oops, we forgot.
Shin heads back down, fishing his cigarettes out of his pocket as he exits the room.

Hiranos: 4, Hospital: 1

"平野さん！"

"Please check your blood pressure again."
The sign on the blood pressure machine that says if my reading is over a certain number then I have to do it again is pointed to.

Hiranos: 4, Hospital: 2

"平野さん！"

"Please remember to put your folder in a basket on the counter. Please do not hand it to a nurse."
No smile this time.

Hiranos: 4, Hospital: 3

Shin gently takes the folder from the nurse, drops it into a basket and nudges me towards the sofas. The ones waaaay at the back.

"平野さん！"

"Did you fill out the blah blah blah papers?"
She hands me a pen and clipboard, knowing that I haven't. 
ARGH! At this point I am fully prepared to stab the nurse with the pen. Shin steps in and handles the situation by clearing away all sharp objects in my general vicinity. 

4 : 4 all.

After an hour we are called in to see our lovely doctor. But wait!? Who the hell is this dude? Where is my wonderful English speaking doctor? Turns out that the basket Shin had placed our folder in was for patients that do not have a preference as to which doctor examines them.

GAH! I have a preference.

Hiranos: 4, Hospital: 5

At this point, things go from bad to worse. Fancy schmancy ultrasound machine is broken. Pre WWII ultrasound machine wheeled in. Doctor can't get a clear image of anything but the baby's leg. Doctor unable to tell us the gender of the baby. Doctor decides to print out a picture of the baby's leg. There is no printer hooked up to the ancient machine. I burst into tears and Shin lets out a gasp of frustration. Visit number two a fail.

Hiranos: 4, Hospital: 11

Stay tuned to find if the Hiranos can make a comeback in Hospital visit number 3...